Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,
Yohannon
yohannon

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Another Wrong Idea - I Blame Erika

Well, it starts with insomnia, aided and abetted by lunar_phoenix's re-introduciton to me of a rather twisted webcomix called "Something Positive". Check out the very first of the series, dating back to 2001, which... well, go look. And then keep reading, because while it gets worse, it also counter-tuitively gets better. The characters are actually three dimensional, for the most part. Except maybe Monette.

I say RE introduced, as she actually had turned me onto it last year, when she posted a particular panel to her LJ, but somehow I never got around to checking it out more fully. Ah well... more panels for me to read, catch up on, and try not to laugh loud enough to inadvertently awake Roni. After all, I do that advertently enough. However, with her sitting here, briefly taking advantage of my kickass net connection to check her mail after her visit yesterday, I decided to read a few... and somehow managed to disengage from it long enough to answer a phone call from dcatt, In which I introduced lunar_phoenix as "The one wetting my dick for the day", which made them both laugh.

{digression} Once again, someone trying to fuck with me has done me a great service. Both here and elsewhere I've gotten some GREAT notes from people regarding a certain anonymous coward, and each and every one has sent a warm glow through me. What a dumbass.{/digression}

So, it looks like dcatt is to be induced on Monday, at around 6PM Pacific (the same time in AZ thanks to their refusal to mess with that daylight savings nonsense... they get enough daylight in the summer, thank you very much!). As such, I fly there Saturday, and come back the following Wednesday -- barring the unforeseen.

Anyway, I was spending today with lavendersage in a variety of pursuits, when somehow we started talking about MacGuyver -- I think I mentioned some sort of contest on a website where the winner was a guy who sent in instructions on how to turn an Altoids tin and a pair of playing cards into a working set of portable speakers, right about the time she was telling me about a set of glow in the dark anal beads she used to own that, sadly wore out one day. Somehow the two merged, and I posited a character who went around rescuing people in erotic jams by creating sex aids from common objects. His name? MacGuyvert, of course!

Scene: Interior, night, during a play party in San Francisco. Much fun is being had by all, until:

NAKED MAN IN LEATHER: Oh no, the anal beads are broken! What ever shall we do now?!

MAN SHACKLED TO WALL: (back to camera, over right shoulder) Goddamn it, another party ruined!

Suddenly someone dressed in '80's style wide lapels and khaki pant is seen rising up one arm raised and pointing upward from a writing mass of people, who continue on with what they were doing. It's our hero, MACGUYVERT!

MACGUYVERT: Wait! I think I can help!

Leaping forward, MACGUYVERT quickly gathers up random objects... a pile of golf balls, a rock, a nail, an old pull tab from a soda can, a ball of twine and a candle

NMIL: I don't understand... how will all this allow us to complete a scene with been prepping for hours for?

MacG: Watch.

A series of quick edits show MACGUYVERT ramming the nail through each of the balls with the rock, threading them with the twine (knotting it before and after each ball to hold them into place), using the candle to melt wax into the knots and twine to keep them from, er, catching on anything, and finishing it off with the pull tab on a long lead on one end.

NMIL: Oh my god, you're brilliant!

MacG: (Head shot, over sounds of MSTW making grunting noises as each of the five balls is inserted anally off camera) It's all in a days work for... MacGuyvert!

MSTW: (as the "beads" are each pulled out) Thank you...

(sound effect: A wet POP noise)

MSTW: OH! ...MacGuyV...

(sound effect: A wet POP noise)

MSTW: ...VERT! You've... ah... ah... AH...

(sound effect: A wet POP noise)

MSTW: ...SAVED! the day a... ah...

(sound effect: A wet POP noise)

MSTW: GAIN!!! How can we ever... Hey!

They turn to thank MACGUYVERT, but he's disappeared.

Quick fade to black, roll credits. When the credits end with that last copyright:

(sound effect: A wet POP noise)

MSTW: Oh YES!!!


I dunno, that could be the first draft of a really twisted flash animation. Anyone feeling creative?

Shortly after that, I received a phone call from someone in the 619 area code asking me, and I quote "Where are you? We're down at Dave and Buster's getting wasted!", and then hanging up when I asked who it was. I suspect someone selected the wrong number in their cell. Someone who's NOT in mine. It sounded a lot like scubachik, which is funny... I didn't think she would still have my number. I mean, it's not like she's called in the last, oh, several years.

Anyway, while I'm listening to "Fight The Power" (the unexpurgated version, 'natch!), I actually have The Ramones "I Wanna Be Sedated" looping as an endless earworm in that vast wasteland that is my mind, such as it is. Catt called while I was writing to tell me that, even though she's been having contractions every 6 minutes (!!!) she STILL hasn't dilated nor broken water. So now we're playing "Beat the Clock"... oh joy.
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