Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

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Every Good Deed...

Well, it was inevitable. I caught the damn flu that's making the rounds. The only GOOD thing is that it happened the week BEFORE my b-day, which is chock full of fun, frolic, and festivities.

First, Wednesday night Michele is cooking my favorite meal (it's this buttermilk chicken thing with a crunchy coating, served with noodles and mushrooms...drool!). Thursday, Roni is (no doubt) planning something, even though the dear sweet girl gave me my present early (I was bitching about the iBook doing way too much VM disk thrashing at 128 megs under OS X) and got me RAM, kicking it up to a maxed out 320 megs. It's a delight to use now, something that tickles her no end. Geeks are remarkably easy sometimes...just ASK us what we want.

Friday, Michele got 4 tickets to a mystery event here in SF, apparently at a smaller venue. She said Roni would like it, which rules out the Grateful Dead cover bands like Dark Star Orchestra or bands with similar styles (String Cheese Incident comes immediately to mind, and Phish is still on hiatus, the bums).

Which leaves a few possibilities: Spearhead, Blues Traveller, or the Indigo Girls. Spearhead's local, and they're a GREAT band, so the probability is high it's them. BT was just here a few months ago, but then so were the girls...odds are split down the middle whether they're back again already.

Saturday through Monday I'm off to Pantheacon where I will (as usual) annoy those who think they know me, meet some people that will believe the annoyed ones, others more open minded than that, and a bunch of people who will be glad to see me. I have to remember to bring my drum...I need to do some drumming.

I'm really mad about being sick. Karin was supposed to be here this afternoon, and I really miss her. I fought hard against it (in fact, I was a right Rat Bastard this morning about it with Roni....more on that in a bit), but in the end even I had to admit I was not in any shape for company. It isn't even the sex...I really just wanted to be with two people I love.

But even though I think Karin has gotten this one already, I don't want her to get sick again. Also, since her ankle is still wonky, I was going to go drive to pick her up. Yesterday I felt so good after a day's rest I made that mistake, going out to get dinner and go to (ack) Fry's to get the RAM (see, geeks will even do the shopping for you!). I went from feeling fine driving down 101 to feeling sorta odd when we got to the Olive Garden in Palo Alto, to feeling pain almost everywhere by the time we wandered to Fry's. All the while, all I could think was "idiot...you have all those great drugs in your bag, sitting in *san francisco*. D'oh!"

Got back, slapped in the RAM (which worked great, and it was something I could do in bed), waited until the pain killers and cold meds took effect (sigh of relief inserted here) and proceeded to assure Karin online that, yes, I still wanted to see her today. I did warn her that I might not be up for it ultimately...but I think I was in major denial mode.

Roni says I kept having my feverish moments last night, which leads us to the "right rat bastard" incident this morning. I woke up at 6:30 AM, dying of first, but only feeling slightly beaten up. There are several problems here, as I was:

- Sick
- In pain
- Relatively unmedicated
- Feeling like a shithead for re-assuring Karin that I would be "Fine"
- In a strange headspace as, for the entire night, I kept dreaming that I was a cartoon representation of a mathematical expression that was trying to nullify itself.*

Yes, that's weird...but that's the only way I can describe it.

So I was an absolute asshole, making unfounded accusations of her "wanting me all to herself" and generally trying to make myself as unlovable as I felt. I suck at letting people take care of me.

Later, I actually tried to go home...making absurd comments about not wanting to be a burden, or something like. When she talked me down, I burst into tears, and started apologizing. I hate feeling needy, even when I should be. I'm really annoyed at myself...it's hypocritical to get on the case of people I take care of when they complain that they don't want to be a bother, only to do the same damn thing myself when they actually WANT to take care of you.

At least I was able to admit it this time. Roni's main problem was that she thought I believed her greedy. I had to point out that sometimes, when we're upset or angry, the things we say may have a grain of truth, but that truth may have absolutely nothing to do with the person we're kvetching at. In this case, I was more upset at my own neediness.

(phone interruption)

I spoke to Karin, and she's worried about me. In fact, in the 30 odd minutes since I left off here, I've spoke with her, whined vociferously, and ran into her online where she made me promise that I would drink plenty of fluids, and rest...and no sex. I'm afraid that last was not as big a deal as it normally would be, a point I made to her. She made a snotty comment about alerting the media. Sigh...
I'm going go collapse, now.
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