So, as I've done now for the last 5 new years, I went to a Queen of Heaven party. Whilst there are details I will NOT reveal here for reasons of propriety, some I can discuss. Like the fact that this time they used long strips of fabric to cover the cushions on the floor. Brand new fabric. Red plaid, in fact.
Can y'all see this one coming?
Turns out that the red wasn't as colorfast as one might have liked. I'm certain that they picked it up based in the fact it was cotton and cheap... I mean, come ON, red plaid?!
Point is that many people started to look somewhat sunburned toward the end of the evening. Roni and I showered thoroughly upon returning to the house, pink coloring flowing off our bodies in the shower, and instead of in bed.
We both had a wonderful time, though there was one moment as we were getting to leave. I asked Roni if I should bring my talons, and she started to say "Better to have and not need... then to need and not have", but stopped short on the second word, and burst into tears.
It was a phrase steelmagnoliaca used all the time. In fact, I've been biting it back on a regular basis for the last two weeks since the breakup. Fortunately, she felt better by the time we got to the party, another sign that the healing is going well.
I suppose I should join the mutant zombie hoards and discuss my resolutions for '04. I don't think they'll be what most people would expect, or maybe they will...
- Write a LOT more. I have at least half a dozen erotic stories that need to be finished, not to mention at least three books: "Tourists", "Copy Cat" and perhaps "Sacrifice", though that last one will get me into some deep shit with some religious groups. Oh wait... I already AM in deep shit with them. Screw them, then.
- Work on my communication skills. As in communicating what I can and can't do, and being completely honest about what I want/need/desire/lust after. I've come a long way in this in some regards, but know I can probably do better. Just recently realizing the fatal flaw in my thinking about what I'm capable of, i.e. that negotiating while in a calm state of mind might lead to inadvertently breaking promises when under stress, which in turn leads to a lot of self recrimination and frustration on my part, which stresses me... and so on. No, I don't need or WANT that to be an excuse to not keep my promises, I just need to find a way to set up a structure where it's easier to keep them. Which leads to...
- Ask For HELP. One of the things that almost drove me into the ground at garage.com was that I was never comfortable asking for help. That's reflected in other aspects of my life as well. I think I need help, for example, in figuring out what to do about my future employment possibilities. How DO I decide what I want to do?
- Decide What I Want To Do. I could be training to do anything. Literally ANYTHING. Yet I seem to be paralysed. See above. One thing I want to try: List all the things I ever wanted to do, and see what still makes me excited, then see what I can do to become one of those things. I mean EVERYTHING. Obviously, there are a few that might be out of reach... but I won't know that until I examine all of them, right?
- Get myself into more group social situations. I know, that sounds funny coming from someone who just got home from a party with a hundred people, mostly undressed, having sex in every sort of configuration. I meant stuff where people are hanging out, talking, and interacting on levels I find interesting. Sure, one of the side effects might be solving the "what do I do next" conundrum (even if that's just getting a job or something), but mostly I think I need to get back in touch with my gregarious roots.
Wow... it's almost 4. I can't believe I feel this energetic. I might even do one more friends only post tonight... Sorry, it involves stuff with someone who might not want me talking about this stuff in public as yet.
Note to Myself: Robert asked for letters/emails from people detailing their experiences with QoH, and how it changed their lives. I realized that QoH is one of the primary reasons I'm so public about who I am, and in some ways is responsible for The Rotunda and Rotunda Artworks. I promise to share that one when I write it.