It isn't, as Rob said today, that I only clean when I have guests coming over. In fact, I felt a tad snarky about that comment, wondering why she felt it was necessary to call it out in the first place. The frustrating thing is that even pointing out that I clean the house far more often when people AREN'T coming over (in fact, there was a long stretch when I had no visitors where I was cleaning weekly) makes me sound defensive. I tried to anyway, and felt soundly dismissed.
I've pretty much given up that anyone would be appreciative of my cleaning in Boulder Creek -- but now I'm only doing it because of some ulterior motive? Then why would I clean Roni's place? Or lavendersage, lovingstones and penguin_goddess's place in Hayweird? I'm certainly not have scads of visitors THERE.
I've ALWAYS done the cleaning. It's possible that my recent resolve not to let the place get as bad as it did in December again is being misinterpreted, especially since I still haven't had a chance (read: the courage) to sit R and M down and talk about keeping at least the "common" areas reasonably organized (no more piles of stuff on the kitchen table, for instance). R gets rapidly annoyed with me (when ADHD control issues collide, it ain't pretty), and I simply never know where M's head will be at regarding anything, thanks to her gradual prescription drug detox. Making things worse is that M is coming down with that damn sinus thing (which, knock on wood, I'm still managing to avoid). In fact, I find myself sleeping alone again tonight -- which in turn means that my next chance to crash with Michele is Monday night.
Speaking of which, I get to have dinner with ambar this coming Monday. Using her words I should be penalized ten yards for jumping to conclusions, mostly through reading too much into her LJ entries where I got the impression she was drifting away from me because she wanted me to GO away. Turns out she thought my occasional phone call, email or IM (and we're talking every 2 to three weeks here, not exactly a constant torrent) was to cry on her over-burdened shoulder. Ironic, as I was trying (for a change) to BE the shoulder. So I felt like twice the doofus -- first, for misunderstanding where she was coming from, second for not being clear about where *I* was coming from.
Anyway, I still need to do a couple of things ere I wind down afore bed. There's a good possibility that my next post won't be until I hit SF and a hopefully healthier Roni.