Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

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Just More Morose Musing (Thus Frustrated)

Just sitting here, pondering stuff.

Like how it seems that even as I leave behind people who are pissed off at me (or disappointed, or whatever), it seems that they have established whole new groups of friends or a whole new way of living their lives as a semi-direct result of running into me, or me into them. Certainly the latter is a bit more accurate, as it does seem like a wild ass Yohannon shaped accident.

It's strange to me how I can look at people, see their pain and suffering, understand how wonderful they are -- yet can't give myself the same benefit of the doubt. Y'all can be flawed and fine all at the same time, yet I hold myself to some impossible standard that sets me up to fail every time, and when I fail, I panic.

UPDATE: Just before I posted this, I got a call from E. She and Fran were on their way back from "Nawleans" toward Baton Rouge -- she had gotten my message on her cell, and felt bad for not returning my calls sooner.

E is one of those wonderful people in my life that I have absolutely no doubts as to her feelings for me, and mine for her. She's on a list that's growing shorter by the day, as I begin to tighten myself back into focus.

She said something that resonated: "It must feel like you're changing seasons". Maybe it was that wonderful Louisiana accent of hers, but it sounded like truth to me. If I let myself see it, it's from Winter to Spring, and I told her that. A lot of great new things are coming into my life (she said), but it means that I'm saying goodbye to other things that were just as wonderful.

It's like that song, "Closing Time": Every new beginning is some other beginning's end.
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