The visit to Teri was perhaps the most affirming of the whole weekend. She was not upset that I was a bit late because of the trouble with Karin and the bridge, and in fact did a lot to ground me. She sat me down across from her at the hotel desk, to discuss the boundaries of the situation.
The night before she had walked with me out to the car. I had left the drinks I had brought for the weekend when we walked up to the room, and I desperately wanted some caffeine. I sat in the back of the open bug, our eyes level with each other as she stood in front of me.
We kissed for the first time there, and, if we thought we could get away with it there in the parking by the hotel service entrances, I think we would have gone a lot further than just some mild groping. However, there were people waiting for me back in the room, even if it did turn out that Roni would send me and Karin off to drumming.
So, less than 24 hours later, I was face to face with someone who felt like a kindred spirit in so many ways. As much as I love and adore many people, it was nice not to have to explain myself in one way or another.
It was a wonderful first experience, and one I hope to repeat. It turns out she's dear friends with people who live in the Santa Cruz mountains, so she might be down here again soon.
I actually managed to get back to the room to Roni by 8:36... close enough to the agreed time I felt a bit better about myself. I snuggled next to Roni, who had apparently had a really good adjustment by Bill, and watched the olympics for a bit.
She turned off the TV after five minutes, and we spent the next 30 minutes or so kissing. It was one of those things that built slowly, until we were almost in a frenzy. Considering all the tension from earlier in the day, it was almost as if we were hungry to get inside one another again, pressing into each other as tightly as we could. That's all I'm going to say about that.
I had a really hard time sleeping that night. Roni fell asleep around midnight, leaving me to watch some TV. It never ocurred to me to just go and find a room party or something...I didn't want to leave her.
She woke up around 4 am, and we wound up talking for nearly an hour, mostly about how I felt about stuff earlier in the day. About how I needed to get myself back on track toward the goals I still had, there in the back of my mind. How much I admired Teri's example, her clarity, knowing full well I was just as capable as she was.
We finally fell asleep around 5, and slept until 11.
I took a load of luggage down to the car, where I found a note from Teri stuck under one of the wiper blades. Some of the ink smeared from the water stuck there, but I could still read it. She thanked me for making the effort to be "emotionally present" the night before, which gave me this warm tingly feeling that helped boost me a bit from the hollowed out feeling from all the effort of the previous day.
Later that night, after getting back to Roni's, I sent her an email thanking her. Just for being there, really. It was an...affirming meeting, realizing that I'm not out of my mind about a lot of things I believe in. I even spoke to her about the infamous issue involving Valerie and myself, and got exactly the same responses I was getting from everyone else...plus some insights that no one else had.
That pretty much wraps up P'con. I'm going to post this, then catch up the rest of the week...it's been more of the "Talking about the hard stuff", and it seems it's happening to everyone. A good thing, as now I know it isn't the universe taking a special shine to fucking with me personally.