Of course, she had good reasons for not returning my calls or emails. That she had pretty much decided to alter the parameters on her own by last November, rendering her complaints moot AND hypocritical was something I chose not to bring up. In her mind it might have been, as she put it, a reaction to her being pissed off with me. But still, the statement that she wouldn't make a special effort to visit me if she happened to be in the same city was a real smack in the face after I performed small miracles to be in Phoenix last August.
Ah well...at least I also got to hang with wickedladybear and dcatt, and got some GREAT photos. Now to finish that damn third roll that has been in the camera since last August. 28 of the best pics are in that roll of 36, and the Bear has been making digs about it. Catt has been quiet, perhaps because she...well, she was out of character, shall we say. Though by the time I get the damn things developed she might be far enough along she just considers them "hot".
Quite frankly, it was pretty sad to watch K try and justify her fears to me, insisting it was how she was wired. I understand how hard it is to counter "bad wiring" (suffering from it myself), but disagree strongly that we should let it control us completely. The last week has taught me that acknowledging such limitations is not, in itself, the evil...the problem is using it to avoid dealing with issues that can hurt others.
I truly love all three of them, but now realize there is little I can do to help them. I suspect that they have pretty much decided that I've thrown in my lot with Val, even though I've done what I could to make that not the case. Now, I have to concentrate on working with the people willing to work with me, openly and honestly.
(insert long pause and heavy sigh here)
Fortunately for my state of mind, that was NOT the way the day continued. In fact, I felt that strange peace again...part and parcel of the whole clearing of the old business, I'm guessing. I spoke with E (who wasn't feeling well, but was working anyway) about the call I got last Friday while with kshandra, and she told me about her new toy (her very first vibrator, with different pulse settings...woohoo!), left a message for Valerie about my talk with K, and called the Bear about her odd behavior the night before (she had been a very unhappy ursine, but she was a lot better when I called her).
The talk with WLB went on for a lot longer than I intended, and I actually received a return call from Val thanks to the wonders of call waiting and an actual "flash" button on the phone. I finally wrapped things up with Bear, called Val back, and felt almost emotionally healthy by the time I had to run to get Michele at Exodus (a Cables and Wireless Service).
Michele and I actually had a great night, although Rob was in a foul mood. She had a large backlog of work, which can make any writer just insane, so we both tried to keep out of her way. I did manage to set her off when I rebuffed her attempts to tell me how to boil water in the new pots.
Later that night I got a wonderful surprise when bunjee (Karin) asked me to tuck her in via chat. I was VERY happily surprised at this, as I figured I had several weeks of deserved crow meat eating to do before this would happen.
As if that wasn't a full enough evening, I also got WickedLadyBear her journal, and cooked up some great thumbnail pics for her. At this point she has more pics than *I* do, which is, to be blunt, pitiful. I should crop some good ones to add to the fully clothed to fully suggestive ones currently available.
[digression]I just received an IM from my friend Jamice asking "How has your week been?". I just sent her a link to this journal.[/digression]
Which brings us (at long last to TODAY. As in finally catching up on my life.
I wanted to get out of the house to avoid dealing with the BroomHilda people. Since I was over the hill before 10, I decided to give avalon33 a call. I didn't expect her to be free for a visitor, as she has school, lives with her mom, and so forth...but by one of those wonderful bits of synchronicity, her day was mostly free.
Since she reads my LJ it was a lot easier to catch up with what's been going on. I added the bits that I haven't posted here, which concerned her a bit...but she didn't recoil from me, and was willing to deal with the situation. I really needed that affirmation right now, especially after dealing with K yesterday.
I wound up being there for almost 4 hours, talking, playing, snuggling, talking some more, playing some more...and so forth. She lives in this duplex with incredibly thin walls, so I KNOW they heard every detail. Strangely enough, it didn't bother me like it normally would.
Drove back to SF, dodged the car accident a block away from Roni's (a fast left turn that took it to the wall...in this case a parked car. They were wheeling the fool away on a body board when I edged by), made Roni's bed and straightened up a bit, updated my LJ.
After all this, I have to start writing that first email to Toria, so she can start the BLOG based novel we're going to write. Whee....