Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

  • Mood:

Chewing the Fat

Ok, to say "I'm tired" is a major understatement. Thank you to everyone who emailed or messaged me their best wishes (perlandria, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to respond to yours -- I was dealing with a delicate situation right when you messaged me),

The talk was a rousing success. I'm kicking myself, because I had the freaking iBook there, and it never occurred to me to record the talk -- it could have been my very first podcast! Oh well. Next time.

The room, one of the largest of the conference rooms at the convention, was full. I was in mortal terror, especially when they starting coming in as soon as the previous workshop had let out. The panel was great... Monique, Ann-Marie, Heather and Jeri all gave me some great support.

But it was my show all the way. I was so nervous, yet it all seemed to just work. While the outline below contains a lot of what I had to say, there were improvs, riffs, stories... I was a freaking raconteur. It just worked, thank the goddess, and all of you whose advice, stories, and jokes I shamelessly ripped off.dragonwitchling will be interested to learn that opening with the "I'm nervous, but picturing you all naked just doesn't seem to work...", which broke the ice. It worked so well I actually USED the "First three rows WILL get yet", and the room ROARED.*

Thank god the crowd wasn't of the walking dead. As it was, the 30-40 minutes I thought I had to spare for QA was barely 15... and we went over.

I think I could get used to that. Commanding a room, that is.

Anyway, I HAVE to crash now. Formatting that mess so that it wouldn't turn into an unintelligible block of text here on the web took a lot more than I expected.

(And just too piss me off, the network connection just went down. It's probably just temporary, but this might not show up until morning. Well, that's when most of y'all would see it, anyhow.)

[Edited to Add: No, misstoodles, NAAFA has never had fat sex workshops before]

* Actually, there was one joke I thought of adding in regarding my net experiences that I decided to skip that I now wish I had used -- "Unlike Al Gore, I didn't invent the internet... just one tiny part of it."

1770 South Amphlett Blvd.,

(near the 101/92 interchange, nw corner)

San Mateo, California 94402
Phone: 650.653.6000

SPEAK SLOWLY AND CLEARLY -- if you think you're too slow, you're probably still speaking quickly.


2:30 – 4:00 pm (90 Minutes)

INTRO (Previously, in Fat Sex):

(thank everyone for coming! I'm nervous, and the usual technique of imagining your audience naked is more of a distraction than not.)

First a small announcement: The first few rows WILL get wet. (if it works) Actually, the

Since there going to be fifteen minutes before they seal us in ;-) I think a little synopsis of what brings us here today is in order (10 - 15 minutes)

Please save questions, comments, and indecent proposals until end of session.

FAT SEX - two three letter words that get the four letter treatment.
  • A brief history of fat sex:

    • Fat women were once revered.

    • At some point they became targets of ridicule.

    • Fat girls are are either considered asexual or sluts... or both.

    • Fat girls hide.

A brief history of fat sex in NAAFA
  • NAAFA's origins were essentially social in nature, but shifted
    • men wanted to get laid with fat girls

    • women weren't having social lives where you could hook upn with them.

    • NAAFA is born.

    • NAAFA becomes more activist (mid 70's to early 80's)

    • NAAFA becomes weird about sex -- you can't have sex and be taken seriously politically (thanks to roni)

  • Then in August of 1991 a man named Tim Berners-Lee invents this thing called the World Wide Web.
    • Critical mass is acheived making email, newsgroups, chatting, and all of that mainstream.

    • People who felt out of place at NAAFA (or were exiled outright) formed their own groups.

    • They started dating, having lives... and needed sexual advice for the fat person NOT dismissed with "lose weight first"

      • 13 years later, NAAFA realizes that its members are having sex
      • Welcome to the fat sex panel at a NAAFA con! It only took 35 years...

    Introduce Panel:

    {ask panel to introduce themselves - name, why there here, etc.}

    After introduction, panel members should get a chance to speak (10 minutes? 15?) in an order yet to be determined. Darw straws, anyone?

    Introduce myself:
    • John Halbig, AKA Yohannon.
      • Worked on the first size acceptance BBS with Cliff Wilson, the Big Board

      • Started "The Rotunda BBS" in 1990.

      • Established the "rotunda.com" domain in 1991 to connect the BBS to this thing called the "internet"

      • Started the UseNet newsgroups "alt.sex.fat" and "alt.personals.fat" as a statement in the early nineties

      • Started "The Rotunda" personal web site in early '94 as one of the first size acceptance websites, publishing in the process:

      • The fat-positions article, still getting 1000+ unique readers a *week* - more than ten years after I posted it, warts and all!

        • www.rotunda.com/people/yohannon/fat_position.html

      • Started the fat_sex mailing list in '95 to combat spammed newsgroups

        • 10 years? that's an eon in internet time.

      • ...and I used to be NAAFA's worst nightmare, an openly bi, polyamorous, kinky FA.

    Key Points:
    • Never let society dictate what you enjoy!
    • Don't settle -- if someone doesn't want to be seen with you in public, you're better sticking with your hand than staying with them.
    • Communication is important: How will anyone know how to please YOU if you don't tell them how?
      • It not just about the easy stuff, like "a little to the left" or "harder, faster, oh yeah!". It's also about hard topics that can push a lot of buttons.

      • Hygines's one of the biggies - tackling it head on can make things a lot easier.

      • Yeah for sexually playful games!

    • Never be afraid to say "no" - consent is revokable at ANY time for ANY reason, period.
      • This is especially important if you are new to the idea of being attractive, and experimenting, trying to discover what you like!

      • Determine what makes YOU feel safe, and stick to it (playing safer). Yes, there are risks, but life is full of them.

    • The former not withstanding, don't be afraid to try things out, to explore!
      • It's okay to be vanilla!

        • But don't fear the chocolate sprinkles... or syrup... or whipped cream... but not on the genitals, not as good idea as it sounds.

    • A LOT of obstacles can be overcome with some ingenuity.
      • Belly too large for missionary or oral? Use some pillows to angle your body back, or (forgive the expression) come at the problem from a different angle.

      • Using any sort of mechanical assistance in the form of furniture or toys (vibrators, dildos, etc) is NOT an admission of failure on ANYONE's part.

        • Dont fear the hitachi magic wand!

    • Be COMPLETELY in your body. The mass media has people convinced that you have no right to be so fat, so you literally withdraw from sensations that make you aware that you are.
      • There is NO skinny person inside you trying to get out. You are who you are, regardless if you gain, lose, or stay the same weight.

      • Let your partner draw you back to full awareness of ALL your nerve endings: caressing, massage, gentle nibbling, kissing and out and out licking of ALL the places that you may feel shame over.

      • Don't be too shocked by discovering errogenous zones where you didn't think they existed. I've known women who came when stroking or licking places like the folds along their sides, their wrists, their calves... and one who would go nuts if you stroked her elbows. Look for them. If you're not sure,think about where you're ticklish -- that's usually where you'll find them once you allow yourself to feel it.

      • Each and every sensation is a miracle, and the feelings you can acheive when your heart is open and you let yourself feel what your body is telling you are enough to affirm the existence of a higher power.

    Thank everyone for the opportunity to speak and their courage in listening! See y'all at the pool party...

    Open floor for roundtable discussion and/or Q&A. There should be a good 30-40 minutes available at the end for this.
Tags: bbw
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