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Thursday, September 13th, 2001
2:18p - "Bigger than Pearl Harbor and the Titanic, combined..."
I remember Jonestown, back in the 70's. The death toll rose as the grisly job of pulling out the bodies was done. I think they refused to believe that many people were dead, that it could possibly be that bad. I remember those numbers going over a thousand...

This is five times worse.

I made the mistake of reading a partial list of the victims who were in the hijacked planes. There was a 2 years old. Here's an 82 year old. Couples. Students. While they made up the lesser of the casualties, I suspect their horror was perhaps far worse...they knew it was coming before any of us, and were helpless to do anything about it.

A quote from NY struck me:

"Back at Bellevue, a firefighter almost had to have his leg amputated so he could be freed from the rubble, said Pataki, who visited the hospital to thank medical workers and speak with patients.

"The governor asked him why he would risk his life. The unidentified firefighter told him: `What do you expect? I'm a New Yorker.' "

In yesterday's entry I commented about the eternal search for a pure cause that I believe exists in all New Yorkers, and in many ways all of us: I could almost read that statement as "What do you expect? I'm a human being.'"

Bush has his war. I'm afraid even I can't find it in my heart to want to stop it. While it's hard to see the correlation between nazism and the holocaust and the terrorist threat, I find myself filling with an anger that cries out for vengeance,. Against what? I wonder to myself...no one I knew personally died. I was so lucky, compared to my brother in law who had been in meetings all last week at the WTC. Most of the people he worked with during that time are now dead.

It's incredible to think about -- there are over 350 million people in america. If the estimates are correct, 5,000 people died in this attack -- about .000143 percent, if my feeble math skills are to be believed. Yet there seems to be no life untouched by this. If this were a natural disaster, our anger and frustration would be useless. But we have a target, however fuzzy it may be now -- and as much as my spirit wishes to extol understanding and restraint, my animal wants to join in with the pack and savage the bastards who could, who WOULD do this thing.

Goddess help them...and all of us.


current mood: angry

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10:36p - On Munches, "You Know What", and Jerry isn't Kidding
Well, this is a watershed moment...my first time posting twice in a single day. Admittedly, this is being posted just twenty minutes shy of midnite...but it's the thought that counts.

Went with Ambar to the Modesto munch tonight. I had gone to the Stockton munch last Thursday, and was less then impressed. I was afraid that my SF Bay area lifestyle had made me an out and out elitist. However, considering Modesto is a hell of a lot more Rural than Stockton, I was somewhat re-assured that it wasn't the case after tonight.

I suspected that I would enjoy Modesto's BDSM group more, if only because I stood a good chance of meeting Lady Cynthia, an attractive Domme of considerable girth. As it turned out there were several lovely ladies there...and three (Ambar, Lady C, and a lovely tall BBW named Abra) mentioned doing a threesome top scene recently, to which I made an involuntary yelp. Oh, make me struggle against those three, watch me protest WAY too much against it.

Of course, the evening would have been better if I had managed to get there on time (I was hit with the usual Sunol Grade nightmare traffic). As it was, Ambar was already getting her check when I crawled through the door after three hours driving. At least I managed to score a chocolate shake that was actually VERY good...unlike the odd concoction I was served the previous week, which tasted horrible.

Then, there was the fact that the topic of conversation had apparently JUST shifted to...yup, THAT topic. The only reason I decided against canceling (especially inlight of the less than stellar time I had the week before) was that if I didn't get out of the house, I would go completely and utterly ballistic. Yet there I was, listening to something I really didn't want to talk about. I tried not to get drawn in...but I simply can NOT keep my mouth shut.

Later, after most of us wound up at a local StarBarf's for "coffee" (make mine a cream soda, thanks), I found myself arguing with the lovely Lady C over the nature of the muslim fundies behind the attacks. She was pretty sure that the motivation was a case of "have nots" wanting to "have". I got some unexpected support from a Cowboy (I swear, that's what he looked like...and not the wannabee sort either. Note to self: What's that saying about "books" and "covers"?) regarding the fact that the fanatics in question simply DIDN'T want the all the facets of modern society...and they didn't want anyone else to, either. Even with Ambar's help, I doubt we shook her belief. Ah well...so much for THAT fantasy of being topped by all three...

By the end of the evening all I wanted to do was get out of there...I felt physically drained. As I stood in the parking lot, I realized I still hadn't had anything to eat. Ambar suggested I wait until we got to her place, and Garlic Chicken (I adore garlic), and I over-ruled my own instincts...bad idea, as it turned out.

I don't recall too much of the drive up 99 from Modesto...other than the fact it was one of those times when I sincerely wished that my stereo was capable of far greater power than it already was. Normally, I couldn't max the darn thing out...tonight, even blasting "Further Down the Spiral" (Trent Reznors re-mixes and variations on "Downward Spiral") as far as I dare push my speakers wasn't enough. Enough for...what? Something so loud and brash that it would somehow drive the demons, kept alive by the conversation of the evening.

It was partly my fault...I had been thinking about voicemail, and the thought of all those people making calls on their cells as they knew they were about to die. I hadn't heard of the actual events as yet...when I broached my fear, it was immediately confirmed by people at the much, heartbreaking details of what people felt...

Strange interlude: Ambar, sitting on her iBook next to me (what an odd couple we make at times!) has just told me of the Jerry Falwell comment on the whole incident: "It's all the fault of pagans, feminists and homosexuals". This was such a bizarre item that I thought she was joking...except she isn't. One mailing list retort: "He obviously doesn't know homosexuals, then...it takes us hours to decide where to eat lunch...it would take a LIFETIME to decide on strategic targets!".

I think this conclusively proves, once and for all, that fundamentalists are the same everywhere. That's right, Jerry -- I'm placing you with the same group that bombed the WTC. As extremist muslims are about as FAR from any of those three groups as you can get only makes him seem even more disconnected from reality as Heaven's Gate (the comet cult the killed themselves in Rancho Santa Fe a few years back). /interlude.

Making it back to the house was a bit touchy toward the end...when I finally pulled the bug into the driveway, I felt odd. I got out, and popped the hatch to grab the iBook, when I chanced to look up. It's one of those beautiful, clear starry nights...far from most light pollution. I found myself on the ground a few moments later, one ankle slightly scraped. Apparently, not eating at Jack in the Box was stupid... Ambar took me inside and fed me the promised Garlic Chicken (wondrous well).

Which brings us to now...and one last piece, forwarded to me by Ambar re: our friend Jerry:

(Lou Chibbaro Jr., Washington Blade (c) 2001, Window Media LLC)

Falwell made his remarks Thursday, Sept. 13, while appearing on the
religious television program The 700 Club, hosted by the Rev. Pat
Robertson. Falwell and Robertson are among the nation's strongest
opponents of gay civil rights.

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the
feminists, and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make
that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -
all of them who have tried to secularize American - I point the finger
in their face and say, 'You helped this happen,'" Falwell said on the
program, which was broadcast nationally.

"Well, I totally concur," Robertson told Falwell, "and the problem is we
have adopted their agenda at the highest levels of our government."

I encourage anyone reading this to get in touch with anyone they know...these guys have FINALLY crossed a line that will toast any influence they ever had. Somewhere, I am secure in the knowledge that even a died int he wool redneck is saying "Whoa, guys...that's goin' too far..."


current mood: thoughtful

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