August 17th, 2002

Yo Maniacal Tang

Catch-up Interlude, The First

Roni's mini fridge decided to suffer a minor ice age tonight. Well, I'm sure that the process began days ago, and only now the slow accumulation of ice had achieved such mass as to make the door completely incapable of closure.

Thanks to the judicious use of a hair dryer old enough to drink, I was able to render a glacial retreat, resulting in about a gallon of water and a happily humming and closed device.

Now I may continue the saga, already in progress.

This Entry Intentionally Left Blank

Stupidity...I just lost the third entry. Well, it was only about a thousand words. (sighs). I should just do it tomorrow, when I'm a little more together.

But I *am* a glutton for punishment, so I'll toss out another item or two from the con, NOT in any regular order.

E is a big booster of NAAFA, a size acceptance non-profit who was running the con. SHe has good reason to be warm and fuzzy about NAAFA. My theory is it's due to a temperament that, to be blunt, is the sunniest, sweetest and most friendly without verging into cloying I have ever had the pleasure to experience. It renders her immune to the grief I get for being a natural born excrement shifter, usually just by being on my best behavior. I'd like to blame it on the ADHD, but I think it's just the way I am. Maybe there's a gene that determines the impact you have on people, and another that decides how much it'll piss them off.

I'm sure she'll insist she has her bad moments, times when she's a screaming bitch, an abrasive harpy, or whatever self denigrating comment she could compose. I simply can't see it. Perhaps it's the influence of Egyptian river water I'm imbibing. In any case, she doesn't tend to polarize people the way I do, in whatever way I manage to do it.

Strangely enough, I find myself hesitant to say anything that could be construed as an attack on NAAFA simply because of the way she cherishes the group herself. She has good reasons for being loyal, and I might even have the same reasons myself, if it weren't for the self-destructive dysfunctional crap I have to put up with from them at times.

It was bad enough the con was badly attended and the dances filled with a mix of the apathetic and those of us determined to have a good time no matter what (The Baton Rouge crowd comes to mind. Good people. Occasionally they even shock me...I *still* can't believe M used the expression "Donkey Shot" during one late night conversation. To be fair, I'm not sure she believed it either). But when someone selling tickets to the 50/50 raffle was rude about my polite refusal to buy them, all I could think of was how stupid it was to alienate ANYONE who might be of some support to the org.

If you don't know, 50/50 raffles take in money for raffle tickets, and half of it goes to the winner, the other half to the charity that is throwing the raffle. I'm broke, but I think I can just use the semi-true excuse of not being a gambler to defend my decision not to buy in (not that I needed to defend it). However, she tried to get me to make a donation instead, which of course I also plitely refused. So she tries to make me feel ashamed of the fact, accusing me of thinking that what SouthWest does to fat passengers is was ok with me.

The sad part is she was so determined to put me in my place, she never even tried to sell tickets to anyone else at the table. Roni was sitting there, her hands physically on the money for the raffle, only to be insulted both by my treatment AND the assumption that she wouldn't be interested just because I wouldn't. I think there was at least 200 dollars waiting to be put into the raffle at that table alone...I wonder how much they lost because I was so insulted I made sure to tell anyone who would listen?

The final insult was that the only reason I tolerated the incredibly high con fees was the idea that those could be considered donations as well...the con is NAAFA's fund raiser for the year.


Roni came in early on Friday, almost within an hour of E leaving. It was frustrating knowing that they were both in the airport at the same time, but with no way to meet. Well, another time, to be sure.

Mark, doll that he is, picked up and brought E to the airport, picked up Roni, drove out of the way to find her breakfast, and then took her to the hotel. He also dropped all three of us off at the airport sunday. Me and Val are going to have to FORCE him to take some sort of gift...if only dinner.

Ok, enough for tonight. I'm finishing tomorrow.
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Yo Maniacal Tang

Polyamorous Multiculturism (and other mouthfuls)

This is posted in response to a thread in browngirl's entry:

I stopped to think about it, and realize I've managed to have intimate relations (read: sex) with almost every cultural variant there is, at least in their most extreme forms. Did I do it because I felt obligated to foster the tolerance and diversity through polyamory?

Hell no.

I did it because I found them attractive and desirable. I'm not going to insult the intelligence of anyone by trying to claim that I didn't notice the cultural and physical differences, nor will I say that those things didn't have an impact. Of course they did, for good AND bad.

I think the only "obligation" (if it could be called that) of a poly individual is to not let those differences stand in the way of a relationship that feels right at that almost zen like fundamental level. That could even include the tendency to fetishize an attribute of any sort (including, it should be noted, gender) in ways that hold you back from relationships that don't fit your self image. A dyke might find that one man who makes her blood sing. A woman who's only into black guys might find herself falling for a white guy. And yes, both those items are from personal experience, and sometimes people refused to let themselves enjoy something good because it called their personal identities into question.

Zen...I think I just had one of those darn flashes of insights.

Nothing comes across faker then a relationship designed for show or obligation. Well intentioned fostering of a force for good does NO ONE any good. It's one thing to push past restraints placed upon you by society, another to place whole NEW restraints placed on us by ourselves.

Here's an idea: Let us consider each of us a culture unto ourselves, take what works, invent whatever new things we need, discard the things that don't (or no longer) work, and keep our minds open to the possibilities.