When I posted my last entry regarding this, I made something abundantly clear -- that I was reporting information AS I RECEIVED IT FROM MY DOCTOR. I also stated that people could do and believe as they wished. MY hope was that people would just move on with their lives.
A few days ago, brigideire sent me an e-mail containing the information she elected to publish via this post. It actually verified about 95% of the information I imparted, but contradicted several medical professionals, as consulted by myself and others, regarding the interpretation of my (and their) test results.
My initial reaction to this was mild annoyance. It still feels like people are trying to catch me in a lie, or perhaps find some way to ameliorate their WILLING participation in a relationship with me by casting me as a villain. Never mind that I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA that someone I knew had been exposed -- and I can't prove who that was any more than THEY can -- but "it's easier to blame the slut".
After posting it to her LJ, I saw the following comment (anonymously, of course... though I already know who it is):
"Thank you for confirming this whole 'I was exposed but I beat it and can't pass it along to you' story is indeed the total BS that most of us strongly suspected it to be."
I didn't have to say a word here, or anywhere else. All I had to do is keep as quiet as humanly possible, and there would have been NO record of the exposure. I will NOT change my conclusions based on one email produced by a less than reputable source of questionable motives. I got up, went to a medical professional, and discussed it first hand. When I thought I was mistaken, TWO other people were able to confirm the same information from their doctors.
In fact, the only reason I'm even writing this post is to let everyone see this parting shot even as I remove certain individuals from my friends list. Otherwise, I would start to hear the accusations that I'm covering something up.
I'm not wasting another minute of my life defending myself against slander and libel (and yes, I use those words VERY deliberately). I've stated, time and again, that if you so easily think negatively of me, and can lightly assume that I would TRY to hurt people that I care about, then you you don't know me. I refuse to be whatever effigy you would make of your ghosts. Go get therapy, take your meds, and get over it.
Besides, if I really AM as horrible as you think I am, then why the hell are you in my life in the FIRST place?
Let me cut to the chase. "Anonymous", and anyone else who feels the same way:
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out of my life.
[Edit to Add] I want to thank everyone who has offered support, online and off. I know that this has been way too prevalent in my life of late, but I keep reminding myself that "this too shall
More than anything this post is a way to serve notice that I was willing to cut some serious slack before now, but there are limits. Such slackage was partly due to my tendency to keep an open mind, but mostly because I was hardly the model for appropriate reactions when it came to this situation. There were plenty of reasons why I reacted the way I did, but in the end I saw the mistakes I made, admitted them, and tried to address things as best I could.
It may be too much to ask the same consideration in return from strangers. But from the people that I care about, people who supposedly cared for me? People I've defended, tried to protect and support? That's enough to make even the whipping boy snarl and snap.