Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

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Confused, But Clear

Can someone tell me what the logic is behind this post?"

I have to wonder what she means by "interference". No one's stopping her from posting whatever she chooses. And this whole paranoid fantasy that Kim is somehow manipulating the situation is utterly beyond me.

One way of reading it is that she either doesn't want anyone to gainsay her perceptions anywhere (and not just in her LJ, where I was wrist slapped in a very public way). Also, I have no idea what she thinks is being influenced by Kim OR Roni... If it's my desire to interact with her (which she's made clear is not her desire), then obviously even if Roni and Kim were trying to stop it, they failed.

dragonwitchling made the comment about the personal toxicity of some relationships. I used to have a strong negative reaction to the idea of being "toxic" to someone, but have since come to realize that this is not a judgment of either party, but a simple reaction between mindsets. I don't believe it's permanent condition, but a conflict born of where someone's head may be at during a given period of time. I'm already finding the situation less painful, and am willing to wait and see.

In the meantime I'll continue to live vicariously through reading her LJ. It's a small way I can continue to be in her life, but easily controlled if it gets to be too much for me.

On a (possibly) related side note, I slept a HELL of a lot better last night. Sunday night was so bad that I called in late to work (I felt queasy and bloated... I half expected something explosive to occur at either end of my body, and it's still a mystery why I didn't spew). Today I'm feeling really clear and focussed.

Oh and Seahawks fans? While I was sorta rooting for the Steelers (I liked the poetry of Bettis getting his ring and retiring), y'all WERE robbed. That one Steeler touchdown was way too close to call (which is, ironically, why it couldn't be overturned -- if the call had been it was short, it wouldn't have been overturned either), and that Seahawk TD over turned on a penalty was weird. It almost seemed like the official had to THINK about whether he could call a penalty on that weak push-off. The other two Seahawk touch down attempts, however, were definitely lost by the 'Hawks.*

* No, I am NOT a fan of football. This is all a desperate attempt to integrate with the football demon that is Roni. You can't spend a month of Sundays watching a game with someone and not pick up some of the finer points... though it's creepy that my observations these days are almost word for word the color commentary that comes seconds later. That's a frightening thought.
Tags: personal, work
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