Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

Oh Yeah... Him!

Sure, leave everyone hanging with a complete and total downer.

For whatever reason, me muse has been struck mute. Well, that's not entirely true... I have been extraordinarily glib of late, and occasionally brilliant in various non-literary endeavors. But whatever spirit that drives me to write seems quiescent.

Part of it is that I have a job now that I actually WANT to do -- so much so that I find myself resentful of time I could be using doing it. My relationships are shaping up incredibly well, with my relatively smaller circle and the triad that's developed between Erika, Roni and myself, my strong connection to Esther, my continuing friendship (with benefits!) with Kim, and even communications with Catt and Lilly (which had been spotty at best for a long time) have improved dramatically now that Catt isn't stressing over their living situation.

There's even hope on a front I previously thought pretty well hopeless, but I'm not goign to jonx it by even naming a first name -- which she would appreciate the humor of.

And yes, I DID just end a sentence with a preposition. Bite me.

Anyway, so there's that, and my various chores and projects about the house (including the massive spring cleaning I did yesterday and today), and a personal confrontation of the unwillingness I've had to get of this little island in the Bay. I know there are people I've wanted to see, but the thought of driving any distance at all... well, it's worse than fear or unwillingness. It's more subtle than inertia. It just seems like I don't make any plans to see people unless they're heading here, and that's not always practical. Or fair.

I think the most important thing is that I'm not going to stop writing. Nor am I going to posit a "hiatus" as a pancea -- I just need to let this be something I do for fun. The moment it becomes an obligation, even to myself,  then blogging becomes the problem, rather than an outlet.

Maybe it's true -- the best writers need to be seriously fucked up about something.

Is it wrong to then want to suck?

(And I can already hear the remarks from the peanut gallery -- and yes, I DO swallow.)

On that note, until next time...
Tags: personal
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