Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,

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Meme (A Name A Schizophrenic Calls HimHimSelf?)

(no, don't go to all the trouble of telling me the differences between schizophrenia and MPD [multiple personality disorder]. I already know. It's just a dumbass title, ok? -Y)

I got this from kshandra, who in turn got it from johno. Beyond that, it's heritage is up to you.

Since my posts are RARELY G-rated, I guess telling you that reading at your church group or during bible study is not advised, right?

1. Had sex? Yes (you know, it's sad to know that there are people my age that can, in all honesty, say NO to this question)
2. Had oral sex? Yes (Last night, as a matter of fact. She knows who she is. The woman should have her tongue enshrined in some oral sex hall of fame...and I'm not just speaking of direct genital stimulation, either. She could suckle my ELBOW and I think I would almost come. Wow...)
3. Had anal sex? Yes (though not often enough. Thank goddess for strap ons!)
4. Used more than 3 positions in one session? Yes
5. Devoted a whole day to sex? Yes. There was one where we BOTH were curious about how many times I could do it...in fact, we went at it the whole weekend. The answer...23. But it should be noted I was 21 and she was 33...and a HELL of a lot more experienced than I was. I'm so lucky to have had an eager teacher such as her. Once, it just sorta happened...new year's day, about 7 years ago. When the smoke (steam?) cleared I had come 10 times...well, ejaculated, at least. She lost count of how many times she had come. Ironically, I wasn't really counting...until I realized I had gone through an entire 12 pack of rubbers (two were, ah, mid-event replacements).
6. Had noise complaints from neighbors during a sex session? Yes, though not as often as I would have thought. :)
7. Received open praise for sexual technique? Yes. I've even been publicly embarrassed by such praise. Sometimes I wonder if it's someone else they're talking about. I mean, I think I'm too eager and pushy sometimes.
8. Written an erotic story? Oh yeah...from Drew and Mimi slash to some pretty Silly/Serious Erotica (I think laughing is sexy, don't you?)
9. Fallen or lost balance during sex? Yes. You should see some of the bruises. Don't think I've actually seriously injured myself (knocks on wood...no, not THAT wood!)
10. Brought partner to climax using only hands? Yes. Oh Yeah. (snap of latex glove) In fact, only one hand. (gurgle of lube) Just relax hon...
11. Brought partner to climax using only mouth? Yes. Hmmmm...my only problem with oral is I can't see the expression on their face.
12. Had sex while totally dressed? Absolutely...that too eager to wait until undressed thing, or the semi-public...but, I get ahead of myself.
13. Had sex while standing up? Yes. Though it took me YEARS to figure out a technique that didn't result in me almost collapsing because of the strain on my legs after awhile.
14. Erotically licked feet or sucked toes? Yes. Shrimping can be fun...but I recommend clean feet. My "bleh" user pic is actually because I licked the TOP of a foot that tasted...well, unpleasant. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
15. Had sex during your "monthly visit"? Not applicable to men, I think...unless you mean have I had sex with a woman who was bleeding? Well, yeah. That's why my "trick" towel is black.
16. Used whipped cream/soft chocolate erotically? Yes.
17. Used ice erotically? Yes.
18. Used hot melted wax erotically? Yes...in fact, I should surprise Roni with some soon...she REALLY enjoys it.
19. Shaved your pubic hair? Yes, though I prefer clippers to shaving...I get that bumpy rash thing a lot.
20. Used a sex toy? Yes. All hail Good Vibrations!
21. Used a vibrator? Yes (see above!)
22. Used an inanimate object (bottle, candle, hairbrush, etc.) for masturbation? Yes, especially before I had the courage to go to the place like Good Vibes, much less actually buy a toy for sex.
23. Used an inanimate object while having sex with a partner? Now, does this mean a sex toy? Or just some odd object? The answer is yes either way...
24. Obtained money or a favor for sex? No, but there's a funny story here...remind me to tell it sometime. Mention "Vic" and my freshman year in College, and I'll crack up and tell the whole interesting tale...
25. Paid or granted a favor for sex? No.
26. Given sex in sympathy? Yes, and lived to regret it. She turned out to be psycho and gave me crabs...this was when I was 19, so cut me some slack, ok?
27. Had sex with a virgin? Yes, and took it seriously each and every time...though once she failed to tell me she was, and it was REALLY confusing...but that's another story...
28. Ever cheated on someone? Yes, before I was poly...
29. Had sex with someone 10 years older/younger than you? Yes. When I was 24 I was a lover (for awhile) to a 62 year old. Ever notice how fat babes tend to look younger? She looked more like a 38 year old...and she was INCREDIBLE in bed. Nowadays I've had quite a few younger ladies come after me...one had literally just turned 18. However, the youngest one was 21 to my 37 (when we met).
30. Had sex with your landlord? No
31. Had sex with a teacher? No
32. Had sex with a boss? Yes. In college...on the prop table, with torches burning. Omigoddess, I had almost forgotten about that...
33. Had sex with a relative? No - I was the oldest grandchild, and all my cousins were both younger AND very proper. At least, it never would have occurred to me...
34. Had sex with two members of the same family? Yes. Sisters, in fact...it was a sort of "V" thing, where they were both touching me, but not exactly shy of each other. It was pretty wild.
35. Had sex with twins? No
36. Had homosexual sex? yes
37. Had sex with a pet? No
38. Had sex with a farm animal? No
39. Had sex with someone the same day that you met them? Yes...strangely only rarely does it not begin a lasting relationship. Roni, for example.
40. Had sex with someone whose name you didn't know? Er...Yes...but it was a very odd circumstance.
41. Had sex with someone you never spoke to/spoke different languages? No
42. Had more than 10 sexual partners? Yes
43. Had more than 100 sexual partners? No. (and this one I had to think about...I would say it was closer to 50)
44. Had two separate sexual partners within 24 hours? Yes. That happened with group sex.
45. Had a menage-a-trois? Yes, though MFM is way too rare.
46. Had group sex (more than 3)? Yes. There was this time in a hot tub overlooking LAX on a hotel balcony where there were 7 of us...and we each took turns in the middle. (happy sigh). Once, it was 7 lovely ladies and me...and they decided to gang up on me. Just for fun. Wow...
47. Participated in a swap/swinging club? No
48. Had two regular partners at the same time? Ok, the programmer in me wants to say "no", because the actually number is usually greater. :D
49. Had sex in a public place? Badly worded...a play party of 250 people (Queen of Heaven, New Year's Eve, for example) is pretty "public" to me.
50. If so, where? See above.
51. Had sex outdoors in broad daylight? Yes...Harbin Hot Springs, for one...hell, my hot tub in Boulder Creek.
52. Had sex on the roof of a building? Yes.
53. Had sex in a stationary car? Yes.
54. Had sex in a moving car? Yes...though not while driving.
55. Are you a member of the mile high club? Do the rockies count? No? Well, blew my chance then, recently...

56. Had sex outdoors at night? Yes...under the stars, lying back and seeing her curves silhouetted against the sparkle of the milky way, hair blowing in the breeze...er, what was the question, again?
57. Had two sexual partners at the same time unaware of each other? See Question 28.
59. Had sex in the host's bedroom while a day guest (party/social visit)? Yes.
60. Had sex in the host's bedroom while an overnight guest? Yes.
61. Had sex in a public room while an overnight guest (kitchen etc.)? Yes.
62. Had sex at your office or other work area? Yes...once, at Apple. I admit it, it was a fantasy fulfillment thing.
63. Met partner during work hours to have sex? Yes...it's called "funch".
64. Had sex in a public restroom? Yes.
65. Had sex on public transportation (bus, train, taxi, etc.)? Strangely enough...no.
66. Had sex in a dark theater? no
67. Had sex in the water (ocean, lake, pool, hot tub)? Several times...though it depended on the partner. Some people don't lube well under water...some do.
68. Had sex in an elevator? Not SEX per se...there's not enough time. Call it foreplay.
69. Had sex in a cemetery? Once. When I was young and without place to do things. (*blush*)
70. Had sex in a store dressing room? No
71. Used alcohol to lower resistance to sexual advances? No. Unless you mean lowering MY resistance...
72. Allowed yourself to be felt up by a stranger? No
73. Looked at a nude magazine? Yes
74. Looked at an explicit magazine (actual sex acts)? Yes
75. Seen a live stripper? Yes
76. Seen a live sex show? Hmmm...I guess the demos at QoH would make this a "Yes"
77. Watched someone having sex without their knowledge? Yes.
78. Showered with a partner? Yes
79. Flashed someone (breasts, genitals, moon, etc.)? Yes
80. Streaked with a group of six or more? No (streaked? How old are some of these questions?)
81. Stripped for someone? Yes
82. Stripped for a group of 3 or more? Yes
83. Participated at a nude beach or nudist camp? Yes (Harbin, at least!)
84. Been the only nude person in a group of 3 or more? Yes...mostly to help people get used to the idea.
85. Played strip poker (or a similar game involving nudity)? Yes
86. Showered while someone watched? Yes
87. Masturbated? Yes
88. Masturbated while someone watched? Yes
89. Masturbated for a group of three or more people? Yes
90. Masturbated covertly in public? Yes
91. Had sex while you knew someone was watching? Yes
92. Been walked in on while having sex? Yes
93. Walked in on someone having sex? Yes
94. Had phone sex? Yes
95. Watched a porno film with a sexual partner? Yes
96. Been the photographer for a nude photo? Yes (er, it's sort of a pro gig now...the result is this cheap plug.
97. Been photographed nude? And had it published? Yes and yes.
98. Been photographed having sex? Yes.
99. Been videotaped having sex? Yes..."Faces of Ecstasy" and "When the Fat Lady Sings".
100. Watched a regular sexual partner having sex with someone else? Yes...and it's usually very hot.
101. Role-played a sexual situation? Yes
102. Taken part in transvestism? Yes...
103. Used a blindfold during sex? Yes
104. Used handcuffs during sex? Yes
105. Inflicted pain during sex (sadism)? ONLY if negotiated...
106. Received pain during sex (masochism)? Yes
107. Used nipple clips? Yes
108. Used sex dice? No...
109. Used whip, chains, cat-o-nine tails, etc. during sex? Yes.
110. Received an electric shock during sex? Yes
111. Drawn blood (scratched, bit) during sex? Yes (but not intentionally)
112. Used auto-erotic strangulations? No...ick.
113. Pierced your genitals or nipples? Yes. A nipple.
114. Continued sex until raw or bleeding? Um...this is a bit tricky, and I was trying to avoid launching into any more stories (it's almost 3 am), but...

In college I knew this LOVELY rotund woman who would only strip down to her panties...it was her comfort level, and I was cool with it. She really liked to rub up against me, and I was only too happy to oblige.

One day, after several hours of tribadism, I discovered a raw spot on my penis that I promptly mistook for a more serious situation (it was still called VD then, btw...I feel olllllllld...) Imagine my blushing when, actually en route to have it looked at, I realized what it was from. I had essentially given myself a rug burn.

Other than that, I think the only time I've been raw has been because of oral sex with too much tooth.

Damn...this makes me look a lot more pervy than I am. Really. :)
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