Yohannon (yohannon) wrote,
Yohannon
yohannon

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More Oddness Via Email

My mother complained to me via e-mail that I'm "too explicit" in this journal. I had to point out that I hadn't even given her my web address. Even after that little shock of finding out she had been keeping an eye on it for a couple of years beforehand I was determined NOT to succumb to the temptation to self-censor anything I wrote here. Otherwise I would start to get a bit bitter about what has become a way to express some of my thoughts, whatever they are.

I should note (to be completely fair) that the same note contained a lot of encouragement and support as I try to get things back on track.

Last night I received an email from a dear friend of mine asking for my prayers for her grand-niece. They had just found out that this 12 year old girl has cancer in one leg, and that the leg is a lost cause. She starts chemo immediately.

If this wasn't tragic enough, it appears that she had been complaining about that knee for awhile. However, Kaiser said she had torn a ligament and prescribed Tylonol. The only reason the cancer was uncovered was the result of her brother jumping on her leg during some rough housing. At least now she has a chance, though no thanks to the dickless wonders at Kaiser. I told her to make sure they contact a lawyer...now.

The last isn't so much an email related thing, but since I'm here anyway I should just get it off my chest.

lavandersage just called. She's upset at the fact that there was a possibility that I might be delayed this afternoon getting to Hayward.

I understand that people are eager to see me. It's actually a wonderful feeling to be wanted. But I'm stuck between wanting to make people happy and being honest with people -- if I'm not 100% CERTAIN of when I can get someplace, I don't want to give the false impression that I can be there before a certain time. Then, I want to shoot for getting there earlier if I can.

One of the ironies of having ADHD is that, despite having a burning desire to be punctual, I have trouble pulling it off. The best I can do is try to keep people informed, and keep working at getting there on-time.

My biggest fear is that people will confuse my timeliness with my level of commitment or love (which has happened in then past). I pray that doesn't happen here.

If there's one good thing that comes from this, it's that I now KNOW I'm no longer depressed. There's a distinct difference between being cranky because of a real conflict, and the hell spiral it could have spawned if I were still suffering from that seasonal blueness.

Time to eat, shower, and get on the road...
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