So, I was in a fairly deep sleep... a classic sex, drugs and rock and roll coma, really... When there was this amazing noise. It wasn't just how loud it was (enough to re-start actual brain activity on my part), but the sheer surround-sound depth to it. It was the kind of sound I wish I had a recording of, as I could build an entire movie around it.
I think it was that three dimensional sonic assault that actually got me up and dressed. At 7:30 AM.
On my way out I passed Audra's Mom, who was dialing 911. Apparently she had been having trouble sleeping, so she got out to do some work on the roses, which happen to face the intersection. She turned out to be the perfect eye-witness. And what do you suppose she got to see?
Apparently a white Camry was driven by some idiot who was SO wasted that he was speeding, ran the red light... on the wrong side of the road. He apparently almost clipped someone who had just gone through the intersection with the green (how dare he?!) and managed to nail TWO park cars. The first he knocked a mere dozen feet, embedding one of the rear light lens into a tree... three feet over the height of the light at rest (as most park cars are these days). He then managed to kick a '64 Chevy 25 feet, not two minutes after the original owner began to walk to church.
Which explained part of the richness of the noise: I kept hearing hub caps doing that classic roll, wobble and crash... sure enough, there were hub caps EVERYWHERE. But now, for the best part.
This was an old Camry, sans air bags, that had to be travelling at a good 60, 70 miles per hour. Those old card had some serious metal, and the front of that Chevy was pressed up into the windshield from the impact, coolant leaking from behind the old blue and yellow plates. The Camry was totalled, needless to say.
Audra's mom filled me in on it: The driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed something from the back seat, and took off running.
When the cops showed up and searched it, he was pretty blunt: "The guy had to have been flying... there's a shitload of crystal meth in the back seat." Which made me wonder: If it wasn't the Crank he went for, what was?
The first car he nailed belonged to this couple who were sleeping only twelve feet away. While upset about the car, they had a good perspective: If the car hadn't been there, there was a good chance the fool would have taken out the wall of their bedroom. The registered owner looked to be their mom, which explained all of the pro-christian rhetoric all over the back of the car, including the "There ain't no monkey in MY family tree!" license plate frame. However, even Yo the Half Asleep ADHD boy knows that this is not the time to have a healthy debate over the theological flow of creationism as science, or science as the final support for faith.
Crystal meth... sheesh.